His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
