it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
