Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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