Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
