take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
