hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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