I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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