I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
