I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
