Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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