i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
