I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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