I bet he comes in French.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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