no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
