you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ladies don't puke and tell
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
