hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm really busy with my period
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