the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
