you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
