So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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