We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
