I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
