I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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