She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
