He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
