My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
