Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
