Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
