already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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