Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
