My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
