My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
