omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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