i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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