Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
