i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
