in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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