You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
