im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
