Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
