You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
