10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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