It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
