my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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