The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
