at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
