On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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