I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
