my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
