Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
