Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
