He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
